Shattered

You love me. And I love you... But not the way I should.

I love that you love me. I love your company and I love that you're one of my best friends. I love that you tell me everything and I love that I can do the same.

But I can't be with you, as much as you want. For your own good. And for more reasons than just that you are like my brother and I can't let anything happen to you.

Let me explain.

One's first love is perfect. It may last for a while, and it has all the nerves. You still have this beautiful view of love that hasn't been obstructed or dirtied. Like a new window, it seems so perfect, nothing can defile it. So you touch it, and hold it, and lean on it. And it's a little scratched, and theres a smudge here or there.

And then it shatters. You don't know what happened. Maybe there was a crack that very slowly crept across the window and finally you touched it wrong and it just caved in. Maybe you leaned against it too much and it gives. But it's done. And there are pieces. And as much as you try, no matter what, no matter how many times you try to make it work, it's over. And there's nothing you can do.

Sometimes you are like me. And you've moved to a different window, and each time the same thing happens. And you just stand there helpless, trying and trying, gluing, taping, whatever it takes, to make that glass perfect again. You give it all that you are. But it doesn't help. It won't no matter what.

See, I am broken. I cannot be fixed. I have been betrayed, lied to, and rejected so many times I can't trust anymore. I hate it but it's true. I hate knowing I can't get close to somebody because I know I am giving them the bullet to shoot through my glass. It is hard to love.

I found that person, though. I thought I never would. Which was exactly the problem. I found a person so perfect, and he told me he would do anything for me. I thought the world of him and him of me. But I can't trust. Because I am broken. And I went and screwed it up. Because I thought he was leaving, so to save myself, I let go. But he wasn't. And I gave up. And I should've trusted him. But I didn't. And I am broken.

I don't want you to be cut with my broken glass. I don't want to break you, and I don't want you to be broken. That pane of glass... Right now, it's looking immaculate. I don't want to be the one to plague it. Because I will. Find someone who's glass is clear. Find someone who can trust themselves. Find someone who will love you just as much. I love you, but I will never love you as much as you do me. My glass has been shattered.

I am broken.

All my love.

GirlInBlue

LessThanThree