What if right as you began to pride in yourself over accomplishing the impossible (getting over someone) they come right back into your life and you're head over heels again.
On the one hand, this situation is astronomically exciting. You can finally think of all the memories without hurting, and actually see their face without that terrible ache in your chest. Its almost new, yet so little has changed, yet so much at the same time.
Its all very emotionally exhausting.
And I would much rather it be this way, without the awkwardness, without the constant questioning of myself. Without the "What'd I do wrong?"s and "Why me?"s and of course without the "At one point I was good enough and now I am not"
Questions have been answered.
So why is it still I haven't a clue what to do with myself?
And Why is it when the inspiration had seemingly come back, I still have this huge whole in my brain where all the words used to pour from. Even now, sitting at my keyboard, I struggle, racking my brains for every word, every thought, wringing myself dry of the words that present themselves one letter at a time....
I guess I'm confused. But not really. I know what I want, But I don't.
How can I abandoned the one who not only picked up my broken pieces and make me whole, made me laugh again, made me see in color and light and see all the beauty again after my world came crashing down around me, but also the one who gave me memories I will hold for a lifetime. I love him dearly, and I cannot stop that, especially for one who could have had all of my love in the first place. You cannot replace the ups and downs, everything two people could've gone through.
What it all comes down to I guess is that its just another case of Heart v. Mind. Your heart wants something, but you know in your mind it is stupid.
Maybe I'll just live with 45025 cats when I get old. Yup.
I DONT NEED NO MAN
Love always.
GirlInBlue
lessthanthree
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