Feels Like Forever.

I can't think of a post to write, so I'm going to give you a song I wrote for a certain somebody.

100 miles doesn't seem so bad

It's better than a thousand more.

But the distance tends to make me sad

Its been that way since we hit the shore

Take me back into the sea

rock me slowly into sleep

Tonight I'll wait under the stars

And know you can't be too far

But the truth is we could be forever apart.

(Chorus)

When you're away

It feels like forever

Every moment is a mile

without you near

I remember when you when you

held me close to you

I can still detect

Your heartbeat in my ear.

We can lay under the sky

There is no reason, don't ask why.

Let's leave the snow, no one has to know

Because the ocean sings our love song tonight.

We can always drive or fly

I'd even walk there in the rain

I will bid the world a fond goodbye

And we can walk away from all the pain.

Take my hand and count to three (1,2,3)

Soon enough we will be free

Watch for me under the moon

And know that I'll see you soon

But the truth is without you here

It's just an empty room...

(chorus)

And when our hands are intertwined

Once again, you will be mine.

I'll keep you near, and whisper in your ear

"A thousand miles is worth the wait"

As I shed happy tears.

Feel the wind and taste the air

Night-time waves and salty hair

The sea and sky look beautiful tonight

But next to you nothing can compare.

(chorus)

Let's leave this town

It's just us two now.

And the ocean that sings our love song.

Tonight.

Why?

Sometimes you just can't help but wonder why about some things.

Why is the world such a bad place but so filled with beautiful splendor at the same time? Why are things too good to be true? Why must all good things come to an end? Why must humanity be so hate-ridden? Why do you love me?

"Why are you asking?"

Because I'm too weird and scatter-brained and I don't have very much confidence. I'm kind of short and clumsy and not the most attractive girl. My hair doesn't go right, my clothes don't always look right, and I trip over my feet and bite my nails and blush too much. I obsess over things and have unreasonable fears and this can cause me to be somewhat over-emotional, which means I cry a lot. I'm a bit of a loser and I think about things I don't think anybody else thinks about and I have terrible sleep insomnia. I write weird songs and I have potential but no serious talent. I'm not extraordinary at much of anything and I'm still trying to find my place. I'm really sappy and fall for lies and traps and get sucked into things and I don't speak up when something is bothering me. I don't really stick up for myself, or really for anyone else except for those very close to me, and these people are few. I stumble over words and sometimes I eat too much and I'm not athletic. My head is in the clouds and I'm always day dreaming and I'm obsessed with the sea and the sky and the color blue. I dream about the future and what it will be like or what it won't be like, and I try to picture myself in almost any situation, which is an extremely difficult task, as I've never really been able to fit very well. Sometimes I don't really see what people see in me that's so great..

But there are also the positives.

I'm unique and I have my own sense of self, and I'm over-all pretty happy with my life. I can recognize miracles and gifts and God and I have a good relationship with myself. I'm really quite healthy and I don't really care what people think of me, because if they don't like me or who I am, I'm okay with it, because not everyone will. I like to think I'm a pretty good actress and have a good voice that, with help and training, can become extraordinary. I'm secretly a good ice skater and want to ice skate again though my mother won't sign me up for classes and I have an overall good taste in music for someone my age. I stay open-minded in situations and believe in things like love and happy endings and magic and all that jazz.

This all goes through my mind shortly and I ponder. Though I've never really been in this situation, I think I would answer something like this.

"Well, um.. I don't know just wondering what you see in me?"

And then I think of my answer. How would I answer this question?

I would think something like

Weelll I love you because you're an all-over amazing person and you're fun to be around and always seem to have something positive to say even when I'm down. You can make me smile when I feel like dying and I think about you literally every single moment of every day. You make me forget about bad things and make sacrifices and change myself for you. You make me want to try harder, to actually be someone who is worth your precious time. Not to mention I get butterflies by mere memories of you and when I see your face or picture I smile and giggle like a toddler on a carousel.

But, like I said, I have a dim confidence, so I'll think all this for a second, then look down and chew on a nail and reply what I often say to people who ask me Why?

Why are you so loud? Why do you get over-excited about small things? Why are you Pippi Longstocking one second and the next you can be a rabid raccoon after being drenched with a bucket? Why do you dance down the halls, and sing in the shower, and write so much, and say random things, and jump in all directions, and skip a little when you walk, and talk so fast? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?

Because life is too short, so cherish it. It's not immaturity, in fact, I think of it as a very mature outlook on life. Why not spend all your time trying to have fun? It creates less regret for later? Why? Because it's better than sitting around, being a mopey Cheerio when you can be a Fruit Loop?

"Why Not?" I will answer meekly.

So, with that, I leave you, Girl-In-Blueinites, with a challenge. Be a little more immature, embrace life, face your problems head on, and live for the moment. Because there isn't any reason not to. When the rest of the world tries to beat you down by asking Why?, turn and face the world, do a twirl, stick your tongue out and answer "Well, Why not??"

Love always from your life-loving sister,

Girl In Blue

lessthanthree

It was all a dream.

Many of us dream. A big percentage of us out there at least. If you are one of the unfortunate souls that has not recalled a dream or does not look forward to resting at night and being bombarded with uncontrolled images, well then, my apologies, first and foremost, on the account of your brain.

Dreams have been one of the small things I've always been able to remember for some reason. I still remember one night when I was eight and my father's roommate and best friend had to dodge my fast feet as I screamed from fright during a particularly bad recurring dream where Pocahontas followed and semi-stalked me through the outdoor auditorium where summer musicals are put on in my hometown called the Muni. See, even as a small child, I was out of my mind.

Every night before I go to sleep I hope for a dream. They do not always come to me, and when they do they are very... vague. But there is always one place I can be promised a dream. I'm not sure why, exactly, but each time I sleep in this one place, I am graced with dreams. Some odd, some beautiful, all of them blessings.

That place is my best friend's bed at her father's house.

I know this is odd, but I only just realized this the last time I was sleeping over a couple weekends ago. I do not, unfortunately, possess the memory to recall the majority of these dreams off the top of my head, but yet I know that they did happen.

Sometimes you have a dream that is beautiful in all of its eloquence, so brilliant in color and detail, that it becomes a nightmare in the waking hours, driving you to the near brink of insanity. You rack your brain, wondering how a dream of this sort has become, and you never see. All you know is you want it back. Oftentimes, also, you may be in the situation that you awake from this dream and, in frustration, go back to sleep with hopes of its return. We all know that that will never happen unless you wake up and go back to sleep hoping the bad dream you just left will not return. Which it always does. Ugh.

Last night I had a dream. I can't remember much of it. But I remember one voice, a voice that means a lot to me at this moment in time, telling me something that now seems kind of weird, but I still loved and love that it was said and here it is.

"I love your waist. Sometimes, I can still feel my arms around you. Sometimes, my hands grasp air, fooling me into thinking you are near."

And of course, I do believe this is all result of the fact that I, in return, feel the hands of him around me also while half asleep and trippy from my cold medicine. My brain teases me with thoughts of his nearness, of his return. When I do realize it was all a dream, I am sad of course. But when you miss someone, the days get better. Not because time can mend a heart, no. But because for every day since your last meeting, it is also another day closer to your next.

I'll see you in my dreams.

Love forever,

Girl In Blue.

LessThanThree

If you be my sky then I'll be your star.

Once many many years ago, the earth was a sea, a sky, and a lighthouse.

The sky was very bright in the daytime, for he was happy with his friend the sun's company.

But at night, the sky got dark and sad. He missed his friend the sun, who went to sleep until the next morning. The sky had no company.

There was also one reflection. A reflection from the lighthouse in the sea. She watched the sky with fascination, wishing she could see the rest of the world from above. All day and night she sat in one place, forbidden to move.

One night, after sun left, Sky got sad and began to cry. His cries turned into a storm, and massive waves flipped and turned the reflection back and forth, every which way. One wave that stood as tall as the lighthouse flipped reflection up, where she landed in the sky, brightening it.

"Why are you crying?" She asked.

Sky replied, seeing her company "I'm lonely. It's dark here. I don't like the dark"

The reflection thought a moment. "Well, I'm not very big, but I'm something. May I stay with you"

"Of course," Sky said, and the clouds cleared. "What may I call you?"

The reflection thought a moment. She couldn't well be a reflection anymore. So she thought of the prettiest name for herself.

"I'm Star" She finally said.

They talked and talked all night, until Sun began to peek up over the sea.

"I have to go," said Star. "But I will still be here. You just cannot see me."

"Will I see you later?" Sky was disappointed.

"As long as you have a place for me, I will spend every night here with you"

And so was the beginning of a beautiful friendship. Every night Star would come and talk about everything with Sky. And Sky was brighter because of it. He was no longer sad. In fact, Sky looked forward to spending nights with Star.

Star knew she was happy in her perch, too. Not only had she found a friend, but also she had found freedom. She was happy there each night, watching the sea from above, and seeing all of the new reflections she had created.

One night Sky realized something.

"Star?" He asked.

"Yes, Sky?" she replied.

"What do you call it when you live for one thing, one being other than yourself. When you can never stop thinking about that thing. And it is never off your mind. And you like everything about it. And you spend all of your time away wishing you were with them, and all your time with them hoping it would never end?"

Star thought. For a long while, she couldn't think of anything.

"Well," She finally whispered, "I think I know what you are talking about. I think you are talking about love."

"Love." Sky tried it on his tongue. "Yes... love. I like the sound of it. No, I love the sound of that."

"Why do you ask?" Star wondered aloud.

Suddenly Sky got nervous.

"Well.. I think maybe... I might love you."

Star did a flip and shone brighter than ever.

"Why, that's great!" She said. "I think I love you also."

And so forever they stayed the same, existing together in perfect love.

One day, many years after, Sky recalled the day he met Star.

"I don't know what I would do without you. Before you, all was dark. And you came and lit the world," He said, gazing upon the reflections of Star in the sea below.

"Well, I don't know what I'd do without you. Before I was in one place, paralyzed, dreaming of freedom. And you gave me freedom. More than. You gave me a home."

"Promise me you will forever shine bright," Sky asked.

"As long as you promise to not let me fall" Star replied.

And so it was. And it still is.

May your sky be lit with a thousand stars.

Girl In Blue.

lessthanthree

You can't appreciate the sunny days..

Good day to you, my lovely followers. Did you know I love you guys? It's so very true!

Did everyone have a splendorous holiday season? I know I did. I got everything I wanted.

So what shall we talk about today? Lets talk about a few things since it's been so long since our last meeting...err... update.

We like to hope alot, don't we? We hope to ace the big test on Friday. We hope those new boots will go on sale. And we hope that that guy you met on the ship last Monday likes you as much as you like him and you will really hit it off.

Not to be precise or anything..

The point is, if you are human, you have hope for a lot of things. Sometimes (ok... maybe a lot of the time) we hope for things that will never be. Sometimes you have nothing left to hope for, so you grab onto the first thing with hope potential, whether it's realistic or not. Sure, the voice in the back of your head is saying "Noooooooooo bad idea!" but of course you ignore it and regret it later.

It is an important part of life to learn what to and to not hope for. Don't waste your time hoping for material things that are easy to gain. Hope for big things, like love and happiness, and then go make them happen.

Tell that random guy at the mall how gorgeous he looks. Tell your friends if something is bothering you. Hope is a great thing in small amounts. But wouldn't it be so much greater to make things happen then to hope for them to happen?

So while school was out I went on one of the BEST vacations of my entire life. So far, that is. A one-week Caribbean cruise that stopped in St. Maarten, St. Thomas, and Nassau. Simply adored the nice injection of blue. Blue skies, blue seas. Qu'est-ce qu'un beau rêve.

The only thing not blue was me. I was happy as a clam laying in the sun reading while all of my friends enjoyed the snow and negative degree weather here in the mid-west. And maybe the clear skies and the sound of waves makes for the perfect romantic setting. Maybe... Maybe my lips are sealed. I'll never tell *sly look*.

This leads to our second topic of the day. Yes, I know TWO WHOLE TOPICS!

The sea has always been a subject of infatuation for me. It makes me feel... I don't know... free. I'm not going to lie, as a child swimming in the ocean was an activity I was perfectly happy not partaking in. Why would you want to get salt in your eyes and sand in your swimsuit when you can swim in a temperature controlled, chlorinated pool? But over time and after frequent Florida trips, I became accustomed to and even fell in complete and unbreakable love with the comforting rock of the waves, the scent of the breeze carrying salt, and, of course, the small pile of sand that deposits itself in your swimsuit. I know. Ew.

What I think I love most about the sea is how tuned to each sense it is. When you actually hear the sound of the waves, you can't help become addicted to it. When you float on the crest of each wave, you want to stay there forever, existing there on the surface of the ocean. And come on, am I the only one that is hypnotized every time a view of the waves catches my attention?

While I was on vacation, I would frequent my mother and father's room simply to sit and watch the ocean dance, perfectly content with it's home under the sky. And it made me think Why can't I be as free as a wave, going simply where the wind took me? Breathing the sweet ocean air made me finally become aware that I can be free (it rhymes because it's an Owl City lyric... aren't I predictable?). Someday, I will live contently and happily with what I have.

My final topic goes a little bit with the first.

Fear and Hope, and their relationship.

Fear and Hope are kind of like fraternal twins. They disagree all the time and act like they hate each other but everyone knows one can not exist without the other. Let's see a situation. A common one that we all know.

Aha. The Perfect Relationship.

Step One: Before Relationship.

Hope- To find the perfect person that meets all of your standards

Fear- You won't find them. Ever.

Step Two: During Relationship.

Hope- That the person likes you just as much and will love you for you.

Fear- The person will not like you and will see you as the wrong person and drop you.

Step Three- After Relationship

Hope- Either for the person back or for a new person to take away the pain.

Fear- ...???

You see? This equation can work for almost any "want-get-lose" situation. Fear is only gone when all is lost. That is when you are filled with hope. It is a terribly miserable, and yet a perfectly beautiful, thing. You cannot appreciate the sunny days without a few clouds.

So embrace your fears and hopes, my loves, and go out there and spread it.

Until the next time.

Stay Blue.

Girl In Blue

lessthanthree

Story Time with GIB

Dear Diary,

----

"Dude. You will never guess what happened today."

----

You will never guess what happened today.

I finally found the guy I was meant to be with.

----

"Yeah, bro? What?"

"I finally found the girl I'm supposed to marry"

"Oh really?"

----

Yes, really.

After all this time, I saw him at the coffee shop. It's so odd. I pass it everyday and I finally decided to stop in.

----

"Yeah in that little coffee place off of 11th street, you know? I always go by it going to work, but I've never given it a chance till today when I was in a hurry and couldn't detour to my usual place"

----

He was in front of me in line. Nothing really significant happened.

----

"Huh. How about that."

"Yeah, she stood behind me in line. Scared the living crap out of me"

----

All I did was ask for a dime.

He jumped about ten feet into the air.

----

"Wow. Nice one, Mr. Smooth"

"Well, I was kinda staring off into space when she tapped me on the shoulder and asked me for ten cents."

"She asked for money? Wow, doesn't that say something for the future?"

"It was only a few cents, its perfectly innocent"

----

I know he was probably really really annoyed by my asking for his money, but this was definitely an emergency. I had no money left to pay the tax.

----

"Anyway, she asked me for money, all uncaring and insignificant like its not big deal. But I saw her and... I don't know, man, something in my mind just went click"

----

And when he turned around, I swear my heart stopped. Of course, it was all innocent and nonchalant for him, but for me...

It was like the biggest moment of my life.

----

"That's cheesey."

"It's true. So I gave her a quarter. It wasn't that big of a deal, I know. But it was something... It was extra. I was hoping she would take it as a sign or something. She probably didn't though"

"*blank stare* You're turning gay."

"Whatever. This was an important moment in my life."

----

And he gave me an extra 15 cents than I needed! Sure, it was only because he didn't have any spare dimes just laying around. Sure, it was just a quarter.

But that quarter was the spark of a flame.

----

"I turned back around but I could feel her there behind me, ya know?"

"No.."

"Well, I could. "

----

He turned back around but I wanted to talk to him again. To memorize his eye color, his hair cut, his clothes, his facial structure. Everything. I needed him to be mine.

----

"And I remember everything. She was pale, but very pretty. Kind of like a real classic beauty. Smooth skin, a few freckles, and the darkest hair you ever saw. And her eyes? Man, I didn't even know they made eyes that green. This blue sweater she wore looked like the softest thing ever. I bet she smelled amazing"

----

I could smell his detergent even through the thick cloud of caffeinated air. It was wonderful.

He had crazy reddish blond hair, and it stuck up all over, and he had a slight stubble. He kind of looked like he rolled out of bed, but it was a good look for him.

God, and his eyes?

Hazel. And stunning. they had this weird blue green stripe right around the pupil. So... I don't even know.

----

"You're nuts."

"I'm in love."

"Dude. You don't even know her."

"Yeah... but oh well"

"And she doesn't know you."

"...yeah..."

----

I know I don't know him. And he doesn't know me. But something was there. I think I'm in love.

----

"But you know what's too bad?"

"What?"

----

But you know what really bites?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They probably don't even remember me

I'm Dreaming of a BLUE Christmas!

It's that time once again!

Yes, the cramming has ended (for some at least), Finals have been bared through with smiles and sharp pencils, and school has finally ended for a sweet, blissful two weeks.

OR

Three if you are me and going on a beautiful cruise to the Bahamas starting the first and coming back to ickiness on the ninth.

Anyway, that is why I haven't been present the last few days. I've been studying my BUTT off! And even THEN I merely passed with a C in French! Sacre Bleu!

But now that finals are over we can now focus on the

beautiful, tremendously joyful time of year. Haul out your ornaments, get sick on cookies (like I almost did today, courtesy of my Aunt's magnificent White Chocolate Oreo Balls), and watch terrible movies about how Santa Claus is somehow replaced resulting in hilarious results. These are like the B movies of Christmas I swear.

This also means bearing your family, and then you actually usually wind up having piles of fun that are as expansive and high as the snow bordering the iced over sidewalks.

Driving down the street at 5:30 PM is now longer, ahem, enlightening (yay puns regarding how early the sun sets). No, but it is simply enchanting. Instead of driving down a dull street with houses all built the same and paint chipping off of their outdated windows, I know drive down a street where I can look through the trees and see those little twinklets of crystalline shine.

My town was graced with a heatwave today. That's right. A whole ONE DEGREE!

Back to the point.

While Christmas wouldn't be the same without these things, OF COURSE we all know what the true meaning of Christmas is.

Christmas is the celebration of Christ. In this day we remember the birth of our savior through acts that took place 2010 years ago. We receive gifts as Jesus did. We sing songs like the angels did unto the shepherds. We gather with our family and celebrate our love, just like Mary and Joseph.

Now, I will admit, I'm not the first to open their eyes and pray each morning, before each meal, whilst walking to classes, etc, etc. But I will openly say that Christmas simply wasn't something made up overnight; there is perfect reason for Christmas. To celebrate CHRIST.

So, if you can't be home for Christmas, at least make sure you keep in mind what Christmas is really about, and make sure you call up those who are most important to you and tell them so.

See you under the Mistletoe

Kisses from

Girl In Blue.

lessthanthree this Holiday season.