Time

Everything revolves around time.

Time or lack there of can influence feelings, change perspectives, heal the broken, scar the perfect, and make or break relationships.

Most of all, Time, when passed, brings with it nostalgia.

Nostalgia is that bittersweet feeling you get when you're looking at old pictures. It's like when you remember something and you try to capture what it felt like when you were there. You can only grab it for a second and then it's gone.

When I was a little girl, all I can remember thinking whenever I saw someone in High School was "I can't wait to be like them. I want to be tall, and have a boyfriend, and say things without people laughing at me." I wish I could tell Little Me that High School me looks at kids in kindergarten and thinks "I want to be like them. I want to be small, and have Daddy be the only guy that matters again, and do immature things without people laughing at me"

Sometimes things happen in the past that are sad. And you get over them. But then, when you least expect it, they show up again. And you find that, yes, you were over it, but you are right back where you started.

Sometimes your present gets mixed up with the past, and you can't decide which to chose. The present treats you well, and has no history of hurting or leaving you. You don't have a history with the present. That is why it is now. But you remember the memories of the past. How happy you were, and how if the present was different, you would give anything to take back the past. But the past hurts. The past made it so you couldn't trust the present or the future. The past broke you and you picked up the pieces and walked away. And now the past has come back. And what do you do?

Time has a really funny way of messing with our feelings. Sometimes it feels like Christmas was just yesterday, and then you wake up and it's 70 degrees out. Four months has passed, and where did it go? Did you spend it wisely? Or did you waste it away? It's March. Soon it will be July. And then October will come again.

Time moves too quickly and too slowly to keep up with. It arranges things and moves things so everything is where it shouldn't. So things happen that have no business happening and everything is unorganized. Time tests us by sneaking up on us and making us do things we never wanted or expected to do. If I could've been told where I'd be in a year a year ago, I would laugh and say "Yeah right, that will never happen."

Prepare yourself for the unexpected. And when I say this, truly keep it in mind. Because time will catch up with you and throw you a curve ball and you won't have enough power to knock it out.

Goodnight and Good luck.

GirlInBlue

lessthanthree

What is Love? (Resist the urge to sing "Baby Don't Hurt me"... or don't... I'm not..=D)

Love is trust from miles away

Love is being terrified of losing someone, but being with them even though they have the power to shatter you.

Love is seeing a person-all of them- imperfections and all and saying "You're perfect to me"

Love is the tears in your pillow because of how much you wish they were with you.

Love is when every love song is about you.

Love is memorizing every little thing you can about them. From little things like foods they hate to big things like fears.

Love is fighting about who loves who more.

Love is being on the phone saying nothing but not wanting to hang up.

Love is when you think about a person all day, every day.

Love is when you wonder if they're thinking about you, too.

Love is calling each other names that may be cheesy, but they make you smile when they call you it anyway.

Love is when the first thought in the morning is "Oh my goodness, I love _________________"

Love is infatuation.

Love is replaying the memories over and over like your favorite movie (even the embarrassing ones)

Love is when you swear you can still feel their arms around you or their hand entwined with yours.

Love is being disappointed when it isn't.

Love is swearing you hear they're voice in a public place.

Love is being sad when it isn't.

Love is sacrifice for one person, and it being completely worth it.

Love is beautiful.

Love is dangerous.

Love is telling them random things that pop up in your mind then regretting it because you know it sounds really really stupid.

Love is when you can be yourself around a person and still have them love you.

Love is when they don't mind when you cry in front of them.

Love is doodling hearts and their name 45904850 times all over everything.

Love is looking up at the moon and knowing somewhere, someone is under the same sky, the same moon.

Love is trusting when every instinct you have screams "Be Careful" or "Remember last time?"

Love is not being able to put words to your feelings because they are too immense.

Love is instantly clicking when you meet someone. And you just know.

Love is thinking you see them in random places.

Love is when you are sad when it isn't them.

Love is when you think it can't get any better than this. And then it does.

Love is when you will always be a little shy around them.

Love is friendship.

Love is blushing when they compliment you.

Love is when you are lovers, but also best friends.

Love is when you can tell them everything.

Love is laying under the stars together.

Love is when every kiss feels like the very first.

Love is when they think your worst features are your best.

Love is walking around aimlessly for hours together and still having the time of your life.

Love is dancing in random places, even though you are both terrible dancers.

Love is an aching reluctance to leave each other...

Love is wanting to tell everybody about them, even when nobody cares.

Love is saving and rereading their messages.

Love is when you don't need time. You just.. know.

Love is when everything is going wrong but you are happy just because you have them.

Love is saying "I don't care" when there is a "But..."

Love is replaying your best moments with them.

Love is when you are 80 years old and hold hands like you are 15.

Love is knowing someone is YOURS.

Love is your easiest hello and your most difficult goodbye.

Love is when you say "Goodnight" and walk inside and have the most enormous grin on your face until you fall asleep.

Love is belonging to somebody.

Love makes a person radiate happiness.

Love is simple. But can be complicated, also.

Love is never ending.

Love is being immature together.

Love is ageless.

Love has no limit, no end.

Love is the one thing we all share, that will reside long after we're gone.

Love is pinching yourself to make sure it's real. That it actually happened.

Love is what lives in dreams and wishes.

Love is everywhere.

Live with Love, my lovelies.

Your's forever and a half.

GirlInBlue

lessthanthree

Feels Like Forever.

I can't think of a post to write, so I'm going to give you a song I wrote for a certain somebody.

100 miles doesn't seem so bad

It's better than a thousand more.

But the distance tends to make me sad

Its been that way since we hit the shore

Take me back into the sea

rock me slowly into sleep

Tonight I'll wait under the stars

And know you can't be too far

But the truth is we could be forever apart.

(Chorus)

When you're away

It feels like forever

Every moment is a mile

without you near

I remember when you when you

held me close to you

I can still detect

Your heartbeat in my ear.

We can lay under the sky

There is no reason, don't ask why.

Let's leave the snow, no one has to know

Because the ocean sings our love song tonight.

We can always drive or fly

I'd even walk there in the rain

I will bid the world a fond goodbye

And we can walk away from all the pain.

Take my hand and count to three (1,2,3)

Soon enough we will be free

Watch for me under the moon

And know that I'll see you soon

But the truth is without you here

It's just an empty room...

(chorus)

And when our hands are intertwined

Once again, you will be mine.

I'll keep you near, and whisper in your ear

"A thousand miles is worth the wait"

As I shed happy tears.

Feel the wind and taste the air

Night-time waves and salty hair

The sea and sky look beautiful tonight

But next to you nothing can compare.

(chorus)

Let's leave this town

It's just us two now.

And the ocean that sings our love song.

Tonight.

Why?

Sometimes you just can't help but wonder why about some things.

Why is the world such a bad place but so filled with beautiful splendor at the same time? Why are things too good to be true? Why must all good things come to an end? Why must humanity be so hate-ridden? Why do you love me?

"Why are you asking?"

Because I'm too weird and scatter-brained and I don't have very much confidence. I'm kind of short and clumsy and not the most attractive girl. My hair doesn't go right, my clothes don't always look right, and I trip over my feet and bite my nails and blush too much. I obsess over things and have unreasonable fears and this can cause me to be somewhat over-emotional, which means I cry a lot. I'm a bit of a loser and I think about things I don't think anybody else thinks about and I have terrible sleep insomnia. I write weird songs and I have potential but no serious talent. I'm not extraordinary at much of anything and I'm still trying to find my place. I'm really sappy and fall for lies and traps and get sucked into things and I don't speak up when something is bothering me. I don't really stick up for myself, or really for anyone else except for those very close to me, and these people are few. I stumble over words and sometimes I eat too much and I'm not athletic. My head is in the clouds and I'm always day dreaming and I'm obsessed with the sea and the sky and the color blue. I dream about the future and what it will be like or what it won't be like, and I try to picture myself in almost any situation, which is an extremely difficult task, as I've never really been able to fit very well. Sometimes I don't really see what people see in me that's so great..

But there are also the positives.

I'm unique and I have my own sense of self, and I'm over-all pretty happy with my life. I can recognize miracles and gifts and God and I have a good relationship with myself. I'm really quite healthy and I don't really care what people think of me, because if they don't like me or who I am, I'm okay with it, because not everyone will. I like to think I'm a pretty good actress and have a good voice that, with help and training, can become extraordinary. I'm secretly a good ice skater and want to ice skate again though my mother won't sign me up for classes and I have an overall good taste in music for someone my age. I stay open-minded in situations and believe in things like love and happy endings and magic and all that jazz.

This all goes through my mind shortly and I ponder. Though I've never really been in this situation, I think I would answer something like this.

"Well, um.. I don't know just wondering what you see in me?"

And then I think of my answer. How would I answer this question?

I would think something like

Weelll I love you because you're an all-over amazing person and you're fun to be around and always seem to have something positive to say even when I'm down. You can make me smile when I feel like dying and I think about you literally every single moment of every day. You make me forget about bad things and make sacrifices and change myself for you. You make me want to try harder, to actually be someone who is worth your precious time. Not to mention I get butterflies by mere memories of you and when I see your face or picture I smile and giggle like a toddler on a carousel.

But, like I said, I have a dim confidence, so I'll think all this for a second, then look down and chew on a nail and reply what I often say to people who ask me Why?

Why are you so loud? Why do you get over-excited about small things? Why are you Pippi Longstocking one second and the next you can be a rabid raccoon after being drenched with a bucket? Why do you dance down the halls, and sing in the shower, and write so much, and say random things, and jump in all directions, and skip a little when you walk, and talk so fast? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?

Because life is too short, so cherish it. It's not immaturity, in fact, I think of it as a very mature outlook on life. Why not spend all your time trying to have fun? It creates less regret for later? Why? Because it's better than sitting around, being a mopey Cheerio when you can be a Fruit Loop?

"Why Not?" I will answer meekly.

So, with that, I leave you, Girl-In-Blueinites, with a challenge. Be a little more immature, embrace life, face your problems head on, and live for the moment. Because there isn't any reason not to. When the rest of the world tries to beat you down by asking Why?, turn and face the world, do a twirl, stick your tongue out and answer "Well, Why not??"

Love always from your life-loving sister,

Girl In Blue

lessthanthree

It was all a dream.

Many of us dream. A big percentage of us out there at least. If you are one of the unfortunate souls that has not recalled a dream or does not look forward to resting at night and being bombarded with uncontrolled images, well then, my apologies, first and foremost, on the account of your brain.

Dreams have been one of the small things I've always been able to remember for some reason. I still remember one night when I was eight and my father's roommate and best friend had to dodge my fast feet as I screamed from fright during a particularly bad recurring dream where Pocahontas followed and semi-stalked me through the outdoor auditorium where summer musicals are put on in my hometown called the Muni. See, even as a small child, I was out of my mind.

Every night before I go to sleep I hope for a dream. They do not always come to me, and when they do they are very... vague. But there is always one place I can be promised a dream. I'm not sure why, exactly, but each time I sleep in this one place, I am graced with dreams. Some odd, some beautiful, all of them blessings.

That place is my best friend's bed at her father's house.

I know this is odd, but I only just realized this the last time I was sleeping over a couple weekends ago. I do not, unfortunately, possess the memory to recall the majority of these dreams off the top of my head, but yet I know that they did happen.

Sometimes you have a dream that is beautiful in all of its eloquence, so brilliant in color and detail, that it becomes a nightmare in the waking hours, driving you to the near brink of insanity. You rack your brain, wondering how a dream of this sort has become, and you never see. All you know is you want it back. Oftentimes, also, you may be in the situation that you awake from this dream and, in frustration, go back to sleep with hopes of its return. We all know that that will never happen unless you wake up and go back to sleep hoping the bad dream you just left will not return. Which it always does. Ugh.

Last night I had a dream. I can't remember much of it. But I remember one voice, a voice that means a lot to me at this moment in time, telling me something that now seems kind of weird, but I still loved and love that it was said and here it is.

"I love your waist. Sometimes, I can still feel my arms around you. Sometimes, my hands grasp air, fooling me into thinking you are near."

And of course, I do believe this is all result of the fact that I, in return, feel the hands of him around me also while half asleep and trippy from my cold medicine. My brain teases me with thoughts of his nearness, of his return. When I do realize it was all a dream, I am sad of course. But when you miss someone, the days get better. Not because time can mend a heart, no. But because for every day since your last meeting, it is also another day closer to your next.

I'll see you in my dreams.

Love forever,

Girl In Blue.

LessThanThree

If you be my sky then I'll be your star.

Once many many years ago, the earth was a sea, a sky, and a lighthouse.

The sky was very bright in the daytime, for he was happy with his friend the sun's company.

But at night, the sky got dark and sad. He missed his friend the sun, who went to sleep until the next morning. The sky had no company.

There was also one reflection. A reflection from the lighthouse in the sea. She watched the sky with fascination, wishing she could see the rest of the world from above. All day and night she sat in one place, forbidden to move.

One night, after sun left, Sky got sad and began to cry. His cries turned into a storm, and massive waves flipped and turned the reflection back and forth, every which way. One wave that stood as tall as the lighthouse flipped reflection up, where she landed in the sky, brightening it.

"Why are you crying?" She asked.

Sky replied, seeing her company "I'm lonely. It's dark here. I don't like the dark"

The reflection thought a moment. "Well, I'm not very big, but I'm something. May I stay with you"

"Of course," Sky said, and the clouds cleared. "What may I call you?"

The reflection thought a moment. She couldn't well be a reflection anymore. So she thought of the prettiest name for herself.

"I'm Star" She finally said.

They talked and talked all night, until Sun began to peek up over the sea.

"I have to go," said Star. "But I will still be here. You just cannot see me."

"Will I see you later?" Sky was disappointed.

"As long as you have a place for me, I will spend every night here with you"

And so was the beginning of a beautiful friendship. Every night Star would come and talk about everything with Sky. And Sky was brighter because of it. He was no longer sad. In fact, Sky looked forward to spending nights with Star.

Star knew she was happy in her perch, too. Not only had she found a friend, but also she had found freedom. She was happy there each night, watching the sea from above, and seeing all of the new reflections she had created.

One night Sky realized something.

"Star?" He asked.

"Yes, Sky?" she replied.

"What do you call it when you live for one thing, one being other than yourself. When you can never stop thinking about that thing. And it is never off your mind. And you like everything about it. And you spend all of your time away wishing you were with them, and all your time with them hoping it would never end?"

Star thought. For a long while, she couldn't think of anything.

"Well," She finally whispered, "I think I know what you are talking about. I think you are talking about love."

"Love." Sky tried it on his tongue. "Yes... love. I like the sound of it. No, I love the sound of that."

"Why do you ask?" Star wondered aloud.

Suddenly Sky got nervous.

"Well.. I think maybe... I might love you."

Star did a flip and shone brighter than ever.

"Why, that's great!" She said. "I think I love you also."

And so forever they stayed the same, existing together in perfect love.

One day, many years after, Sky recalled the day he met Star.

"I don't know what I would do without you. Before you, all was dark. And you came and lit the world," He said, gazing upon the reflections of Star in the sea below.

"Well, I don't know what I'd do without you. Before I was in one place, paralyzed, dreaming of freedom. And you gave me freedom. More than. You gave me a home."

"Promise me you will forever shine bright," Sky asked.

"As long as you promise to not let me fall" Star replied.

And so it was. And it still is.

May your sky be lit with a thousand stars.

Girl In Blue.

lessthanthree

You can't appreciate the sunny days..

Good day to you, my lovely followers. Did you know I love you guys? It's so very true!

Did everyone have a splendorous holiday season? I know I did. I got everything I wanted.

So what shall we talk about today? Lets talk about a few things since it's been so long since our last meeting...err... update.

We like to hope alot, don't we? We hope to ace the big test on Friday. We hope those new boots will go on sale. And we hope that that guy you met on the ship last Monday likes you as much as you like him and you will really hit it off.

Not to be precise or anything..

The point is, if you are human, you have hope for a lot of things. Sometimes (ok... maybe a lot of the time) we hope for things that will never be. Sometimes you have nothing left to hope for, so you grab onto the first thing with hope potential, whether it's realistic or not. Sure, the voice in the back of your head is saying "Noooooooooo bad idea!" but of course you ignore it and regret it later.

It is an important part of life to learn what to and to not hope for. Don't waste your time hoping for material things that are easy to gain. Hope for big things, like love and happiness, and then go make them happen.

Tell that random guy at the mall how gorgeous he looks. Tell your friends if something is bothering you. Hope is a great thing in small amounts. But wouldn't it be so much greater to make things happen then to hope for them to happen?

So while school was out I went on one of the BEST vacations of my entire life. So far, that is. A one-week Caribbean cruise that stopped in St. Maarten, St. Thomas, and Nassau. Simply adored the nice injection of blue. Blue skies, blue seas. Qu'est-ce qu'un beau rêve.

The only thing not blue was me. I was happy as a clam laying in the sun reading while all of my friends enjoyed the snow and negative degree weather here in the mid-west. And maybe the clear skies and the sound of waves makes for the perfect romantic setting. Maybe... Maybe my lips are sealed. I'll never tell *sly look*.

This leads to our second topic of the day. Yes, I know TWO WHOLE TOPICS!

The sea has always been a subject of infatuation for me. It makes me feel... I don't know... free. I'm not going to lie, as a child swimming in the ocean was an activity I was perfectly happy not partaking in. Why would you want to get salt in your eyes and sand in your swimsuit when you can swim in a temperature controlled, chlorinated pool? But over time and after frequent Florida trips, I became accustomed to and even fell in complete and unbreakable love with the comforting rock of the waves, the scent of the breeze carrying salt, and, of course, the small pile of sand that deposits itself in your swimsuit. I know. Ew.

What I think I love most about the sea is how tuned to each sense it is. When you actually hear the sound of the waves, you can't help become addicted to it. When you float on the crest of each wave, you want to stay there forever, existing there on the surface of the ocean. And come on, am I the only one that is hypnotized every time a view of the waves catches my attention?

While I was on vacation, I would frequent my mother and father's room simply to sit and watch the ocean dance, perfectly content with it's home under the sky. And it made me think Why can't I be as free as a wave, going simply where the wind took me? Breathing the sweet ocean air made me finally become aware that I can be free (it rhymes because it's an Owl City lyric... aren't I predictable?). Someday, I will live contently and happily with what I have.

My final topic goes a little bit with the first.

Fear and Hope, and their relationship.

Fear and Hope are kind of like fraternal twins. They disagree all the time and act like they hate each other but everyone knows one can not exist without the other. Let's see a situation. A common one that we all know.

Aha. The Perfect Relationship.

Step One: Before Relationship.

Hope- To find the perfect person that meets all of your standards

Fear- You won't find them. Ever.

Step Two: During Relationship.

Hope- That the person likes you just as much and will love you for you.

Fear- The person will not like you and will see you as the wrong person and drop you.

Step Three- After Relationship

Hope- Either for the person back or for a new person to take away the pain.

Fear- ...???

You see? This equation can work for almost any "want-get-lose" situation. Fear is only gone when all is lost. That is when you are filled with hope. It is a terribly miserable, and yet a perfectly beautiful, thing. You cannot appreciate the sunny days without a few clouds.

So embrace your fears and hopes, my loves, and go out there and spread it.

Until the next time.

Stay Blue.

Girl In Blue

lessthanthree